Expectations ! the biggest problem of our lives

Expectations! The biggest problems of our lives?

My mind has been through a roller coaster ride and I have been wondering whats bothering me.
Despite the growth and wisdom I have gained in last few years , why are some things still bothering me. I practice gratitude, I stopped judging people, I am attracting abundance in my life, I have taken control of my health, Almighty has been kind to me, I am all showering love, then what is it that still troubling me?

Struggling with the thunder and confusion of thoughts in my mind and today, I see one of my friends feeling overwhelmed with expectations of people around .

The usual me , I am so always up trying to understand and help my friends and it got me thinking. While thinking I realised it is related to my problem as well that I have been dealing with and I never thought of it. Thanks to my friend for I realised my problem and thanks to almighty for making me go through that roller coaster ride as I learn something new and in turn ready to help my friends because I believe we cannot actually understand what other person goes through unless and until you have been through it. Anyways, coming back to the topic.

So, take some time and think it through while you read my thoughts. 

Have you ever thought what is the exact problem with those so called "Expectations"? Ask your self whats exactly troubling you?

1) Is it the expectation itself?  
 The problem here is the expectation itself that is being asked to fulfil.
  For example , expectation to keep all the relatives happy which I am not interested in at all.

2) Is it - why they are expecting it from you?
 The problem here is why are we being expected to do that.  In relation to the same example as above, my parents expect me to keep my relatives happy despite the fact that I haven't been getting the respect and love I have been giving them. Why should I keep them happy? Both the sides need to make their own efforts to keep the relationship happy and healthy. if one person does not see it coming from other, why should he/she make an effort to keep the other happy. Just because they are relatives or loved ones? Hence, the problem here is "why" my parents ask me to keep them happy.

3) Is it the burden of not being able to fulfil those expectations of beloved ones. This is a typical case where the one expecting is a beloved and we do not want to hurt him/her. We want our beloved to be happy and to see that happiness we do fulfil their expectations. Don't we? but here we want to fulfil the expectation but we cannot fulfil the expectation for any reason. For example, every person wants his parents to be happy.  Now, the parents expect the child to give them a grandson and the couple itself does not want any kids. The children understands how his/her parents feel but cannot fulfil it. 


4) Is it your own expectation of being able to "fulfil all expectation of beloved ones". 
This is our own expectation with ourselves to fulfil all expectations of our beloved ones. This is tricky. I realised it myself as well. My expectation with myself is to full fill my kids expectations, my husbands expectations, my in laws  expectations, my parents expectations, my friends expectations etc etc. During this process of fulfilling  my expectation of "fulfilling others expectations", I realised I am overwhelmed with too many expectations that I have set for myself costing me  my happiness. We want to fulfil expectations to keep everyone around us happy.


Now, point 3 looks like its same as point 4 but there is a minor difference. In point 3, you understand them and you cannot help while in point 4 they don't ask for it, its we who assume and set those expectation on behalf of them for us.

Now that we have the questions, find the answers for yourself. This is what I think and you can find your answers for yourself.

1) First one is simple as there are no emotions attached to it. If I don't like the expectation, I don't do it.Simple, right!

2)  Second one is little difficult as the reason to fulfil the expectation is illogical and is unnecessary. However, the involvement of our beloved ones make it difficult for us. In this case more than wanting to keep our parents happy, we are concerned on "Why".Here, the ones expecting are our beloved , however the expectation itself is not about our beloved ones. See for yourself, if its not worth it, don't do it. The person expecting it needs to understand and learn. If you keep entertaining such illogical expectations, you are killing yourself and the ones expecting are not learning or growing.

3) Third one is quite difficult. Here , involvement of emotions makes it very difficult for us. These are expectations by our beloved and for the beloved. In this case, we care for our beloved and we understand their expectation as well, however this is not we want to do . Its not a small one and involves decisions for lifetime impact which we need to deal with and not them itself. Again, the solution for this as well is similar to second one. Keep your emotions aside and think when your mind is in a state of balance. You cannot put yourself or your family's life at stake only for a so called expectation which makes sense or brings happiness for some time . In such case, you might want to visualise the situation like you are watching a movie or TV serial and think of possible consequences immediately and long term. You will get your answer. Now, you have the answer for yourself, but your beloved one doesn't get it. Try and help them understand and if they don't we can only pray Almighty to help them understand. But, that stress in your head to not be able to fulfill will only stress you and not help in anyway. So, just leave it.

4) Fourth one is the most complex. It is still easy to deal with and let go others expectations. The problem here is we ourselves have unnecessarily kept so many expectations with us. Yes, most of them are not needed at all. This creates problems for ourselves and for the people involved as well. I am not saying you completely stop working on expectations. All I want is to think, be logical, prioritise them, involve your care as well as part of them. As long as the expectations are countable, prioritised, involve self happiness and not punishing yourself for not meeting them its all good .
The problem starts when you have set those expectations to be always fulfilled and in a perfect way and you start punishing yourself for not being able to finish it the way you wanted it.

Take it easy my dear. Do not take life seriously and don't take load that your entire family and friends are all living and happy because of you. Chill! There is an Almighty and nothing happens without his consent. Maybe it was God's wish to not fulfil that expectation as he has something better in store for you and your beloved ones.